She's FOUR

 Today I woke up as the mama of a FOUR-year-old. That feels impossible. 

Time is an odd little concept, and becoming a parent certainly highlighted how very little sense it makes. Someone told me, while on maternity leave, the days would be long and the weeks short. Illogical. And also accurate. Parents often made comments like, “You’ll barely remember what life was like before becoming a parent.” Illogical. And also accurate. Maybe this has nothing to do with time at all. 

Maybe it’s all about heart. The moment we walked into our home with our little girl, our world changed. It was palpable, distinct. Real. Sure, she relied on us - and heavily on me - for everything, but I...well beyond measure... I needed her. Becoming a mama gave me a depth of purpose and a new perspective; it defined me. While I know and value that I am other things, I won’t say I’m ’more’ than a parent because, for me, more denotes greater or better, and if you’ve met my four-year-old, you know it doesn’t get much better. 

I’ve lost sleep (it’s scary, uncertain, exhausting) and gained perspective thanks to H. We’ve shared snuggles, meals, our days, and countless adventures. Her birthday comes at a unique time for my teacher brain. I celebrate my little girl - and the beautiful ways she changed my life - at the same time I’m meeting so many other people’s children. And again, time enters the equation. There will never be enough hours in the day or time on this earth together with my girl (with both of my babies). But I’ll wrap my birthday girl in love, and even greater gratitude today, because four years ago, after (or maybe including) quite the arrival, she rocked our world. And we’re better humans for getting to help her navigate this world. 

Here’s to FOUR, HQR!