We miss you every day.

Three years ago, on this day, I sat my baby girl at the her uncle’s grave.  I told her, as I had so many times before, about how lucky she was to have an uncle to hold her and an uncle to watch over her. I told her how sad I was - and would always be - that I couldn’t share him with her and her with him. And after my mom scooped up my sweet girl and allowed me a few big sister moments with my baby brother, I promised Matthew that my babies would known his name, that they would walk through this world with the honor of saying they have two uncles because their mama has two brothers who she loves beyond measure. 


Of course, that wasn’t enough. I have always wanted to do more, more to ease my parents’ pain and loss, more to honor my brother…just more.


Eight months ago, when I looked at my son for the very first time, I knew — I knew that I was looking at a piece of our family that had been missing since June 23, 1988. I knew that one thing I could do was give my son the honor of carrying my brother’s name. Matthew is more than a middle name. It is the promise I made, the guarantee that my babies will know their uncle and this part of their family story. It was the most symbolic way I could spiritually connect to the little boy we never got to watch grow into who I know would have been a most wonderful man. 


Today I will cherish, even more, those moments when I hear my sweet girl say, “Uncle Matthew like Everett Matthew.” I will look at my boy and know a piece of you is there looking back at me. We miss you every day.



I hope she saw a little bit of her baby in my baby’s eyes 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

AJ Runs Several Ks...and Writes About It

Image
On Saturday, May 6, I returned to half marathon racing. It had been quite a hiatus, and my previous half marathon, was completed with a blown out IT band, so I did have to balance high hopes and realistic expectations. After all, a lot has changed since that last race. They say that age is just a number, and by that logic, a half marathon is just miles. 13.1 long and hilly miles in this case, and now officially in the next decade of my life. Yeah, yeah, just a number. Last year, still in my 30s, I toyed with the idea of returning to racing and with running the Door County Half Marathon. We were in Peninsula State Park for our annual Mother’s Day weekend, and the race was taking place. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to get back to some really good training. Our plan - always - is to be in Door County for our Mother’s Day celebration, so why not sign up?! Well, back to numbers. Two children, one partner, too many hours at work each week, one bike ride/race to each weekend, an
Read more

My Dad, OUR Hero

Image
This past weekend, we celebrated my dad’s 30 years of service to and retirement from the Mukwonago Fire Department. As both a volunteer fire fighter and EMT, he has spent several decades in service of others. During what surely was one of their most trying times, it was my dad who was with people he’d never met and likely wouldn’t see again. To do that on top investing in full-time work, his family, and his other interests is simply remarkable. And that’s my dad: a driven, generous, passionate man. The Mukwonago Fire Department was a part of my youth. The men and women he served with became my dad’s second family, and thus they were there for many of my milestones. My weekends were were filled with various events hosted by MFD, including community events and that one family picnics that ended with Dad getting stitches. Sometimes my weekends - and weeknights - were also filled with quick goodbyes as another call pulled Dad away from our family plans. The sound of his pager and the
Read more

Milestone

Image
I mentioned, not too long ago, interest in a birthday trip to ATL. Michelle Obama would be there for her book tour, the weather is fall-like this time of year and perfect for a long run, and it’s a city I haven’t explored much of. My partner heard me. He showed up, like really showed up!   Just about a week ago, Harper brought me a birthday card and gift she and B had been working on. It was my own copy of  The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times , and a Happy Birthday picture of a plane, a peach, and a pink and purple suitcase (my favorite colors).     I had otherwise been planning a jaunt from home along the Glacial Drumlin Trail and snack day at H’s school. That would have been great. But Brian has been helping me work on prioritizing myself to maintain balance; time away was earned, needed, permissable. To say I was excited for the weekend was an understatement. B attended to all the details (also needed AND appreciated): flights, hotel accommodations, transportation,
Read more