Texas: Our First Girls' Trip

My job was such a major part of who I was, and the thought of stepping away from that - ever - didn't seem possible.  And then my daughter was born.  

Leaving her to return to work became the ache deep in my heart and the nagging thought in the back of my mind.  I relished each moment, each sleepless night, each tiny squeak knowing I'd eventually miss those moments (and fearing I'd miss many critical ones, all the firsts in our tiny human's life) as I had opted, after an extended maternity leave, to return to teaching.  When I was pregnant, my mom determined an official retirement plan and gave me the greatest, most selfless gift: she chose to spend her time caring for our sweet, sweet HQ.  I'll never be able to repay her for this, ever, but when she mentioned wanting to visit Waco to see  Magnolia and the Silos, I started to plan.  Mom deserves all the little getaways she could ever imagine...and more! 


"There are 79 parties ahead of you...." 


so tasty, and so worth the wait

Magnolia Market!! 

Everything in this photo speaks to me!





cupcakes

Mom's great eye caught this one

Strawberries and Cream & Strawberry Lemonade - all the yummm!


When it came to planning the specific weekend for the trip, one quick glance at the calendar was all it took. If we were going to Texas, I was determined to do one thing: we were going to Spring, where we once lived and where my brother was laid to rest, on his day, June 23rd.  

My heart has always ached for Matthew David: every milestone, every family memory felt incomplete.  What would it be like if Matthew were here? What would life have been like with two little brothers to not-so-subtly boss around?  Would he have looked like me or B? Would he be our family's lefty?  The thought of becoming a parent myself was always accompanied by the thought of the tremendous loss my parents experienced. What if something went wrong? Was I strong enough to handle that? How my mom and dad were able to continue on as bravely as they did remains something I'll never understand or stop admiring.  

Their love for Matthew grew in us as he was always part of our family - even if he weren't physically with us.  When I brought HQ into this world, I knew she would know her Uncle Matthew in the same way I grew up knowing my baby brother.  BR and I recently had a layover in Houston, and as we touched down, my first thought was to tell Harper, "We're in Texas; we're with Uncle Matthew."  The chance to take her to his grave, to be there on his day, was one of the most significant moments of my life. To hold my baby while my mom held us both, to look upon my brother's grave, profoundly affected me.  I know that much of who I am as a daughter and as a sibling is due to the loss I experienced as a little girl.  I am fiercely protective of and committed to family.  If there is a blessing in the loss we experienced June 23, 1988, it is this: I am a better person as I have always tried to live a life that would honor my baby brother.  






I have always been saddened by the fact that my brother is so far away from us, but the chance to be with him, to sit beside him, to introduce him to my baby girl, what a beautiful moment life provided. 





Our home in Spring, TX

my first elementary school 

Baylor University

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