Life on the Runn...

I mentioned, not too long ago, interest in a birthday trip to ATL. Michelle Obama would be there for her book tour, the weather is fall-like this time of year and perfect for a long run, and it’s a city I haven’t explored much of. My partner heard me. He showed up, like really showed up!   Just about a week ago, Harper brought me a birthday card and gift she and B had been working on. It was my own copy of  The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times , and a Happy Birthday picture of a plane, a peach, and a pink and purple suitcase (my favorite colors).     I had otherwise been planning a jaunt from home along the Glacial Drumlin Trail and snack day at H’s school. That would have been great. But Brian has been helping me work on prioritizing myself to maintain balance; time away was earned, needed, permissable. To say I was excited for the weekend was an understatement. B attended to all the details (also needed AND appreciated): flights, hotel accommodation...

  Our baby is officially a little boy; he declared it with the same excitement he used to proclaim he is “Twooooo.”   To celebrate, we did many of E’s favorite things. We took Sister to school, had pancakes and sausage (“hot dogs!”) for breakfast; cleaned all the things; baked (Who doesn’t love    to “stir, stir, whoa!”?);    read lots of books; looked for trucks, airplanes, and machines; snuggled; swung on the swings with Sister; had black beans for dinner; stayed up late and ate ice cream.   We even turned E’s crib into a big boy bed, hoping it would help take us back to his rockstar sleeper days - always a solid 12 hours. I wrote this while on hour two of holding E so he won’t scream and potentially wake up his sister, so the bed plan didn’t work. (He keeps reminding me it’s dark out, and I tell him it’s because it’s 2am). I wishfully thought he’d show us some gratitude for his birthday present — his very own vacuum — by allow us one night of u...

Two years ago, I didn’t know that I would ever get back to being me. We had just brought home our little guy and were monitoring him closely as he had dropped nearly 10% of his birthweight; he had made the discharge really questionable, and I immediately began to wonder if I was capable of doing this mama thing. Sure, we had done it all before, but never with a toddler at home, and never in the midst of a pandemic. I struggled to settle in, to find my sense of self. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, my body didn’t yet belong to me again. I knew it could do amazing things - I was looking at proof of that in the two perfect humans now ruling my world. But there was so, so much work for it to do still. Those worries made one thing seem certain: I’d never have time to run, to lift, to train again.   Today, as we prepare to celebrate our baby turning two and becoming a self-proclaimed big boy (he’s still my baby…always!), I can say I’m running more and further than I have in nearly t...

We have Homeroom this year, and while I had my reservations, as most of us did, I’m really enjoying my time with this crew. They’ve taken to having little Q & A sessions, with topics ranging from pop culture to (likely unintentionally) deep philosophical inquiries. Most recently, they asked if I preferred summer or the school year.     Each spring, when contacts come out, I ask myself that very question. I struggle with it all summer and much of the early part of the school year. Am I where I’m supposed to be at this moment? Should I be with my own children? Am I good enough, present enough, effective enough in the classroom? At home?  This past weekend was a beautiful reminder    that I need both my classroom and my chaotic, sleep-deprived home. I have  met so many wonderful humans as an educator, and I get to share my own wonder humans with some of them. I am right where I am supposed to be.  H and I had a blast on our mini girls getaway to ...

Two years of loss. Two years of pain. Two years of trying to understand why. Two years without you.  A trip past the WAC or a random song, usually from a workout, can still shake me to my core, can still bring me to tears. The right shade of pink nail polish reminds me of you.  I regularly think how unfair it all is. I wish I would have told you just how much you mean to me, how much I owe you. Some of our last workouts together were during very dark days. Our personal training sessions were often the only times I found light in that darkness. You took care of me. You took care of everyone! If only we could have taken care of you,  saved you!  On days like today, though, I remind myself that I am lucky. The pain I feel over your loss, deep as it is, comes only because our paths crossed. And I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.  Rest easy, Nickie! Love you always! 

 Last night, John Mayer put on another Raise the River show. We've been talking about it for a few weeks now, which got (even more) JM lyrics running through my brain. And one part of one song, feels like my Summer of '22 anthem:       The summer's over, this town is closing      They're waving people out of the ocean      We have the feeling like we were floating      We never noticed where time was going      Do you remember when we first got here?      The days were longer the nights were hot here      Now, it's September the engine's starting      You're empty-handed and heavy-hearted This comes from Mayer's 2013 hit, "On the Way Home." It  has been a bit of an end-of-summer go-to for several years, but after this summer, it lands differently. I go back to work tomorrow, and H begins school (full days!) next Tuesday.  The thought of uninterrupte...